This poor attempt at poetry a direct result of a brief annoyance with a co-worker and watching 'Bright Star' about John Keats and his love. I will admit the feelings brought about were a bit of back sliding to my previous harmonious state, but that is to be expected on a path of self-development. 

‘What is this social disease of singleness?

Ridicule, teasing, disguised by wishfulness of a time gone by for those bound to another. 

A threat for not bending to the world view of the ‘most important thing.’

I possess love in other ways the love of a friend, the love of a fun aunt, love of family.

Sometimes the love of a listening ear to a new acquaintance or roommate.

Are these loves diluted less important?

If I had romantic love I fear they would fall by the wayside. And they have been there for me always why should I trade them in.

I know they feed into my soul in ways a lover could not.

Why trade? For a chance and happiness and an equal chance at heartache, or a very least moments of discontent.

I wonder if I seem desperate cause I don’t feel that way.

Am I something of fiction a woman content enjoying the freedom of being single (after 30).

For the singleness may not last for much longer.’

New Appreciation

As I was riding my bike to work last week I realize how much less depressed I have been lately. I think there are several contributing factors. For a long while I simply just accepted the depression as a constant battle that I had something that would ebb and flow in and out of my life. Even now I do occasionally fear its return someday.

I attribute my better mood to God leading me in to the path of coaching. Diving more into the coaching process learning about it, being coached, and coaching others. I think this has given me tools to help me process stressors in my life more effectively. I am comfortable in my singleness.  I don’t feel lonely anymore and I have a confidence that God will bring a partner into my life soon, but when the time is right. Working with a relationship coach and reading ‘Fearless Loving’ by Rhonda Britten there are several activities that have increased me confidence and caused imagine that being in a relationship.

I think the meditation and exercise and losing weight and feeling better and more energy in my body has also increased my outlook. I have noticed just in the recent weeks that I am a bit calmer at work. I snap at my co-workers less, I take criticism easier. There a still little complaints but they are pretty minor and don’t stress me out too much. Maybe that is because the semester is so close to the end.

Another one of my greatest accomplishments has been keeping a budget. It has not been easy but I haven’t had any overdraft fees since December, which I consider a great accomplishment. Allotting myself cash to use through out the month for different things has really helped. And not going out to eat and reducing my clothes shopping. Really thinking about purchases and what I need before buying.

Overall I am very happy with the changes and shifts in perspective I have made in my life, and had a positive outlook on my future. It is an energizing place to be.